Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
