I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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