I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
