A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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