eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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