I hate your face
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
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Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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