Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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