I'm going to jail i love you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
