I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
