That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
