Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
