I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
