Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
