I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
