I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
