nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
