textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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