Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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