he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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