Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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