I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
