we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
