Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
