woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
did i walk over a car last night?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
