We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
