so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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