His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
