Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
