There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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