The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
