had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
