wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
