i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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