I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
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I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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