Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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