I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
