OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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