weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
