the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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