I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
