I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
