dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
