Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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