I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
