I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
