I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
