He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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