I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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