Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
