Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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