You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
