I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
