she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
