sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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