it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
