did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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