How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
