Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
