wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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