it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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