If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
