this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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