walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
