It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
