I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He? As in you personified your dick?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
