Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
