even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That accounts for only three of the penises
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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