he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
