we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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