hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
