Well apparently he's into motor boating.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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